When I am I can and I will.

It had been over a year since I got a hair cut and my frock was getting “trapped in my armpits every time I move” long. That last time I got it cut, over a year ago, I had run to a train station Supercuts on my work lunch break to get a $15 discount trim. I don’t even remember when, before that, I had last gotten a “real” cut at a “real” salon. You know, one of those salons where they actually shampoo and blow dry your hair.

I don’t remember the last time I dyed my hair either, but the past-my-armpit-length non-style was about half natural ash blonde (with strands of white I don’t want to talk about) with the rest an orangey, brassy, shade from a faded attempt at red.

My hair was long. It was stringy. It was limp. It was mousey.

It was boring. To say the least.

I kept telling myself that when I was thin again, when I finally lost all that weight I wanted to lose, that I would cut my hair. That I would get an amazing hair cut and a blonde balayage with a rose gold hue. I would do it all up. Get something sexy, fun, pretty.

Because, you know, when you weigh what you want to weigh and you’re happy with the way your body looks, you want a hair cut to match. You want a wardrobe to match. You want everything to match.

You want to be perfect and you want to be perfect before making everything else perfect.

I’d tell myself that when I am thin I can get the hair cut I want and I will be happy.

When I am thin I can get a new wardrobe that fits and I will be happy.

When I am thin I can get makeover and wear new makeup and I will be happy.

When I am I can and I will.

I mean, why waste a great hair cut on a frumpy body? Why buy clothes you’re hoping to grow out of? Why highlight a face with no features?

Why do anything if you’re still not going to be pleased with the whole picture?

But then I end up here: overweight with long, drab, mousy hair, with a total of four dresses that actually fit, with a featureless face I never dress up. I end up never wanting my photo taken. Never wanting to look in a mirror. Never wanting anyone to see me.

Because I’m not happy, with anything, where I am today.

I don’t just do this with my hair, with my makeup, with my body either. I do this a lot. I think this a lot.

When I am ________ I can ________ and I will ________ .

When I am thin I can get the hair cut I want and I will be happy.

When I am able to come up with the perfect name I can launch my business and I will work for myself.

When I am making more money I can save more money and I will take a vacation.

When I am getting more blog traffic I can approach brands and I will make money on my blog.

When I am I can and I will.

When I am I can and I will.

When I am I can and I will.

What happens here, though, is that I never just am.

I am always just will be.

I am always just living for the future, waiting for when things will have happened, waiting for when things are perfect.

But then I’m stuck in this present. This very un-perfect present. This present where I’m not happy with anything I see in the mirror. Where I am not going forward with my business. Where I’m not leaving the state, let alone the country.

Where I am just existing.

And I can do nothing about it.

Knowing that, I will, maybe never, get to where I want to be.

So I got a haircut. And a blonde balayage. And then dyed it all peachy pink.

Because, I guess, if you can’t control all the rest of the shit in your life you can at least control your hair.

Shoulder length hair with a pink peach balayage.

You can stop waiting for things to be perfect, for the entire package to be ready and primed and start working on the things you can control right now. The things you can change right now.

And you can change your mindset.

Because maybe having this (completely amazing, totally rocking) haircut and (completely amazing, totally rocking) peach balayage, will help motivate me to get the rest of me to where I want to be. And, if it doesn’t, I at least now like something I see in the mirror.

So, maybe, it’s just time to reframe. To not think towards “when I am,” but look at where “I am” right now.

I am ________ but I still can ________ and I will ________ .

I am the weight that am but I still can get a rocking haircut and I will love the way it looks and the confidence it helps bring out in me.

I am not yet sure what to name my business but I still can freelance under my own name and I will continue building my business as I hone my branding.

I am not making as much money as I’d like but I still can prioritize travel and I will start saving money so I can travel somewhere new.

I am working on building my blog traffic but I still can push myself to try new things and I will continue, no matter what, because I just love writing my blog.

I am but I still can and I will.

I am but I still can and I will.

I am but I still can and I will.

Do you do this too? Do you put things off until everything is ready, until everything is perfect, until the package is complete? Do you live in wait of the future?

When I am I can and I will.

Fill in the blanks for yourself. What do they say?

When I am ________ I can ________ and I will ________ .

Now, can you rethink? Can you reframe? Can you look instead at where you are today, where you are right now, and do something for yourself, anything for yourself, today? Can you stop living for when you are and start living for where you are?

I am ________ but I still can ________ and I will ________ .

I am ________ but I still can ________ and I will ________ .

I am ________ but I still can ________ and I will ________ .

I am but I still can and I will.

When I am I can and I will. On reframing your mindset to stop living for when you are and start living for where you are.

If you can’t control all the rest of the shit in your life you can at least control your hair.

Bucket List idea: Dye my hair pink. (Getting a shoulder length peach balayage.)

When I am I can and I will. On reframing your mindset to stop living for the future to do something for yourself today. (Also, a rocking shoulder length peach balayage.)

When I am I can and I will. On reframing your mindset to stop living for the future to do something for yourself today. (Also, a rocking shoulder length peach balayage.)

Do you live for when you are instead of where you are?

I am but I still can and I will. When I am I can and I will. On reframing your mindset to stop living for the future to do something for yourself today. (Also, a rocking shoulder length peach balayage.)

I am but I still can and I will. When I am I can and I will. On reframing your mindset to stop living for the future to do something for yourself today. (Also, a rocking shoulder length peach balayage.)

Affiliate Link