Valentine’s Day Cards you should probably give me.

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Valentine’s Day is next week. So there’s still time to profess your love for me and make reservations at White Castle. Not that I even like White Castle. But it would still be one of the most romantic dates I’ve ever had. I’m low maintenance. And I’d probably put out.

Just sayin.

Anyways, if you’re looking for just the right way to profess your love for me or tell me you want to seep with me or whatever, here are some suggestions.

(Or, you know, I suppose you can give one to someone you’re actually in a relationship with. I guess. Whatever. Like I care.)

 

Valentine’s Day Cards you should probably give me…

 

…if you’re secretly in love with me…

There is nobody else I’d rather lie in bed and look at my phone next to.

I’m so lucky that my weird matches your weird.

I would deactivate my Tinder for you.

I like you.

J T’aime.

I’m so glad I swiped right…

I’m totally crushing on you.

This is a cheesy Valentine.

Cuddle buddies for life.

You are magical.

Happy fucking Valentine’s Day

Love Connection

Love you more than TV.

 

…if you just want to sleep with me…

I could fall madly in bed with you.

Welcome to Make Out City.

The honor of your presense in requested in my pants.

I’m so glad we got drunk and had sex.

Yes to love. No to pants.

I also like you when I’m not drunk.

 

…if you want to show singles solidarity…

I know being single on Valentine’s Day can suck but it’s so much better than dating some idiot.

Love is a battlefield.

To my amazing friend on Vantine’s Day…

There’s always Tinder.

Cats rule boys drool.

 

And don’t worry. I’d totally have a card for you.

I love you even when I’m really really hungry.

I would shave my legs for you.

I want you inside me.

Being with you is marginally better than being alone.

You’re my favorite boyfriend.

Be my Valentine? It’s a pretty great gig with tons of perks.

Thanks for tolerating my TV shows. (I know you like them.)

I like you and naps.

You take me to kitten city.