This all Fucking Sucks

I saw him. And it didn't go as planned.

I wanted to come home and write that he saw me. That he hugged me. That he told me his reasons for not calling and not telling me that he was in Chicago and that they made sense.

I didn’t want to write that he came out and stood behind me talking to some other group of people and didn’t even acknowledge that I was there.

I just left then.

Nadia and I went to see Mat’s play tonight. Imminent Dangers of Love and the Afterlife. It was pretty interesting and pretty funny, about a guy who accidentally kills himself to try to attract a woman’s attention, then is stuck in a waiting room because he doesn’t know what afterlife to follow.

It was odd to see Mat, since he hasn’t even spoken to me since December. He was standing in front of me and talking but not talking to me.

I guess I maybe thought that I’d be the first to know. And he didn’t even tell me. He seriously must have put me on a plane and hopped on the next one to the same location and not even told me. Not even once cared enough to pick up the phone when I called. I thought I’d be the first and apparently I’m the last and he wasn’t even the one to tell me and I had to read it in a fucking newspaper. And now I feel like shit.

This all fucking sucks.