That thing I call balance…
Back in January, I made a promise to myself that I was going to write two blog posts a week, every week, all year, no matter what. I needed to get back into writing. I needed to sit down and just do it already. I needed to push myself to have some discipline.
For a while I was doing amazing with that goal, posting twice, every week, no matter what it took. There were times I’d spend my entire weekend at my laptop. There were nights I’d be up until 3am perfecting a post. There were days I’d wake up early to get those last few words down.
And it was fun, actually, it never seemed like a chore. I like to write, it’s why I blog in the first place, and my brain was now churning in ways it hadn’t in a very long while. I was getting words down. I was publishing. I was posting things that weren’t always “perfect,” that weren’t exactly how I imagined they’d be, but they were written, completed, publishable, all the same.
And then it all froze.
Two weeks ago I had a post nearly ready, but I couldn’t finish it. It probably needed another half hour of work. A few more words. A quick Google for a some more information. But I just couldn’t bring myself to do it.
It’s still there, in my drafts, awaiting that last push of work. But I’ve been avoiding it and I’ve been avoiding writing and I’ve been avoiding my blog for these past two weeks.
I know. Two weeks doesn’t seem that long. But I don’t want to slip back to where I was last year. I want to blog, I like blogging, I like writing, I want to write.
Something else happened, though, over the past few weeks: I started going to the gym.
I know, I know, I’ve belonged to a gym for a year. And I have gone before. But I haven’t gone with the voraciousness I’ve picked up recently.
For literal months I’d get a daily reminder that I was on day 5 of this ab challenge…
In the past week I’ve gone to the gym four times. In the past week I did every day of a 30-day ab challenge app (the same one that’s been reminding me every day for 7 months that I’m on day five of the challenge — I did start again from the beginning, by the way), and on days where I haven’t been to the gym I’ve gone for long walks. Sometimes ridiculously long walks. Taking a long route home, walking across the Loop over lunch, or just going for a six-mile walk around the city for the heck of it. (OK, I lied, not for the heck of it…to work off a Margie’s milkshake…)
It was so nice this weekend that I wanted to take a walk to Margie’s for a strawberry milkshake…and then I continued walking an extra five miles to work it off…Hey, that’s balance isn’t it?
But then I go to the gym and don’t want to come home and write. Just as, for the past few months, I’ve wanted to do nothing other than write.
It’s like i can’t succeed at more than one thing at a time. I can’t obsess over more than one thing at a time. I’m either all in, or all out.
Oh, balance. Someday, maybe, I will find a way to do it all at once.
For now, though, I’m going to continue to try to go to the gym as much as possible because I really, truly, do need to go to the gym as much as possible.
So, maybe, my writing will suffer for a bit again.
But, maybe, I’ll lose that weight I need to lose and gain my confidence back again and have all the sex again and have more scandalous things than ever to write about here.
We can all hope.