Choosing Figs | Neurotic as Hell | A Travel, Lifestyle, and Life List Blog

On bathing.

The concept of taking a bath is lost on me.

Yesterday, on lunch break from jury duty, after a stressful night, after a stressful morning, I decided to ditch out on going to work and go to Macys to stuff myself with Swedish meatballs and mashed potatoes. The last time I was in that particular Macys was during Lollapalooza when Lindsay dragged us along so she could stock up on her favorite Lush bath products. While eating my lunch I got the idea in my head that I should buy a bath bomb and that I should take a bath. Baths are supposed to be relaxing and I needed to relax. So I went to Lush and bought myself one, it was powder green with flecks of purple flowers and smelled like a garden.

After jury duty, after ditching out on going to work, after dinner, I filled up a tub with warm water. When aptly full I dropped the bomb in and watched it fizzle like an Alka-Seltzer, dissolving, depositing a trail of flower petals and confetti and mesh objects and turning the water the color of Ecto-Cooler.

I stepped, one foot at a time, into the too-hot water, watching my skin instantly go red. I immediately felt like a human tea bag. I contemplated what exactly you’re supposed to do while “bathing” and just how long I had to sit submerged in water until I could justify that the $6 bath bomb had been appropriately cost-effective.

I thought maybe I could read, but in order to peruse my Martha Stewart Living without completely soaking it I had to hang out over the side and be almost completely out of the bathtub or hold the magazine so far above my head that my arms ached and my neck creaked and my eyes strained to read it. I gave up on that idea.

I thought maybe I’d just lay back and close my eyes which may have been a good idea if the bathtub was padded and my head wasn’t resting in a soap dish with no where to look but down at my naked body and contemplate how much weight I’ve gained in the past four years.

I think I spent about ten minutes in the bath after ten minutes of filling it and before the ten minutes I spent wiping the tub of flower petals and tin confetti and cleaning the drain of flower petals and tin confetti. I figure that ten minutes is at least longer than it takes me to suck down a $5 pumpkin spice latte, so I guess the price point is about right.

I’ll give Lindsay credit that watching the bomb dissolve was probably the most exciting moment of my day and it smelled and looked mighty pretty. But I don’t know if I’m a bath girl. Or maybe I was just doing it wrong.

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Hi, I'm Val. I spent most of my 20s in a standstill, unable to pick which path in life I wanted to take. I wanted the nomadic life of a traveler but also wanted the husband, the condo, and the kitten. Unable to decide which life I wanted more, I did nothing. When I turned 30 I’d had enough of putting my life on hold and decided to start “choosing my figs.” So, I quit my job, bought a one-way ticket to Europe, and traveled for three years. Now I'm back in Chicago, decorating my apartment in all the teal, petting my cats, and planning my next adventure.

  • Sid
    September 23, 2008at11:26 pm

    aren’t baths supposed to involve bubbles so you can’t see yourself?
    also, you should get some water wings and use them as pillows

  • Anonymous
    September 24, 2008at6:37 pm

    i bathe almost everyday. it makes me feel happier to sit in warm water. maybe i just want to be in a womb or something.
    email me about what oyu texted me about. i can’t send text messages. a nd yes, calling is out of the question.

  • Lindsay
    September 25, 2008at10:17 pm

    I do my best thinking in the bathtub. And by thinking, I mean thinking. But I’m usually in there long enough to need to add hot water to the bath to stay warm. Also sometimes I take my laptop in there and watch part of a movie.

  • val
    September 25, 2008at10:36 pm

    Maybe I will try again. I didn’t really feel like thinking at the moment so maybe that was part of my problem, just being trapped in a pool of water with my thoughts.
    I like the laptop idea! Although, I’d have to keep it far far away because I know I’d knock it into the bath.

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