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Miller Brewery Tour in Milwaukee, Wisconsin.

It is apparently Miller Time. (Brewery Tours in Milwaukee)

Warning: the following post about my weekend trip to Milwaukee, Wisconsin, to take the Miller and the Lakefront Brewery Tours proves that I am a) a lightweight b) kind of pathetic and c) not allowed to drink ever again. I’ve always been of the mindset that you don’t need to drink in order to have fun. And I think I have proven time and again that I personally am really no fun when I drink anyways. So, that’s it, no more drinking for Val. Except wine. Wine doesn’t count of course…right…

***

So Saturday I awoke bright and early and Em (who we shall refer to in this post as Emily1) picked me up. Then we picked up Emily2 and we were on our way to Milwaukee for the night.

Em1’s plan was for a party like a rockstar weekend with her chums from MSOE. Of course, my idea of a rockstar is probably more like this.


Our first stop was the Miller Brewery Tour. What’s cool about the Miller Tour: it is free. What’s not cool about the Miller Tour: they seem to think that saying “It’s Miller Time” a lot is both catchy and witty. It is not.

Miller Brewery Tour in Milwaukee, Wisconsin.

First we watched a kind of lame video presentation and then we went to see the big assembly thing. Of course, it was a Saturday and so nothing was happening. Then we went and saw the huge warehouse of boxes of beer that were set to be sent. Then the tour guide made another “It’s Miller Time” comment.

After that we went to get a free Miller Lite, and then I got 2 more free beers. I got a honey something and a sunset something.

Miller Brewery Tour in Milwaukee, Wisconsin.

We were supposed to see something called “the caves,” but those were closed.

After that we booked it over to the Lakefront Brewery for another tour. Unlike the Miller Brewery, this place charges for the tour, but it was more fun because it was a much smaller, less corporate-y experience (although by smaller the tour actually was a lot longer). Unfortunately we made it just in time to miss the 1:00 tour and had to hang around for the 2:00. Less than unfortunately that gave us time to get pizza and beer. Unfortunately for me that gave me time to drink beer.

Lakefront Brewery tour in Milwaukee, Wisconsin.

After 2 glasses it was time to start the tour. We saw all the places where beer was made, got more samplings, and played Laverne & Shirley with the beer bottles and some work gloves.

Lakefront Brewery tour in Milwaukee, Wisconsin.

So I still had some pumpkin beer left at the end of the tour. Everyone else was finished and I needed to finish drinking so I could turn in my non-plastic corn cup for a glass one to take home. So, of course, that meant chugging it. And, of course, that was a really really stupid idea on my part…

We went to check into the Pfister, which is probably the fanciest hotel in Milwaukee. Checking in we were a bit confused because we were supposed to get a suite, but the lady at the desk said we had two rooms. It was finally cleared up that they had overbooked suites and gave us two rooms instead. That actually worked out MUCH better as we then had four beds and two bathrooms. Sweet. We immediately went to the rooms and tried on the robes 🙂

Rooms at the Pfister hotel in Milwaukee, Wisconsin.

Rooms at the Pfister hotel in Milwaukee, Wisconsin.

After a bit of chillaxing we headed out for another beer at Wolski’s.

Now. If you know me, you know that after I reach that point where I have had just a bit too much to drink (which is really not a lot) and I take just one more sip I am gone. Not gone as in drunk. Gone as in sick. Seriously, the reason I don’t drink much is that because I tend not to get drunk, I just get sick.

So after getting another free beer at Wolski’s I took one sip too many. So…when we left the bar shortly after and headed back to the hotel, this led to the embarrassing situation of me almost throwing up in the elevator, but managing to swallow it back (EWWWW) and then not being able to hold it any longer and throwing up in the hallway of the hotel immediately after getting off the elevator and then rushing back to the room…

Yeah.


Val = lightweight.

I felt somewhat fine after and ate a beef sandwich and went down to the pool. But then I started feeling queasy, so I went back to the room to sleep. And I pretty much slept until Emily(1) and Emily(2) and a whole lot of strangers bombarded the room 3 or 4 hours later. And then I woke up and still was sick. And then I slept until they left for the bars later. And then I was still sick, but I’d thrown up everything I’d eaten and so my stomach hurt. So I ordered room service and got some bruchetta and watched TV. And then I went to sleep again so I wouldn’t throw up.

Bruschetta for room service at the Pfister hotel in Milwaukee, Wisconsin.

Seriously, that’s how I roll. I think something is seriously wrong with me as I have spent a majority of the year sick. And I am never drinking again because when I drink I just get sick and then I am no fun because I don’t even feel like going out.

Yeah.

Val = pathetic.

So I pretty much slept until everyone came back at whatever time they came back. Because, you know, who can stay awake through a bunch of drunk people entering a room at once. Highlights of that one include the chick who passed out the floor and I could hear throwing up on herself. And someone whispering and the girl answering back in a loud yell. And someone saying “Don’t step on the passed out chick” and then one person tripping on her and then another person tripping on her…twice.

Ah, the joys of being sober when everyone else is drunk is that you hear and see and remember everything that is going on and no one else does. 🙂

Yeah, so that was basically my pathetic trip to Milwaukee. Eh, at least I got to order room service and at least kind of enjoy a nice hotel room.

In the morning we woke up to a disasterful room and checked out and went and got breakfast/lunch and made our way back to Illinois.

***

Later I went and met Joelina at their new suburban abode. It’s a pretty sweet place. We went and got dinner at Key Wester, which is a pasta/fish restaurant that is actually owned by Portillo’s. The decor outside kind of reminded me of a mini golf course/Vegas. And inside it was kind of like a Rainforest Cafe but no where near annoying. At one point JoeJoe whispered to me “There is a pirate above you.” I looked up and low and behold there were a couple of life-sized pirates in the trees on the ceiling. I thanked Joe for warning me because surely they were about to attack.

I had a delicious sweet-potato crusted trout. Definitely yummy. Joe and Alina got yummy looking martinis. But alas, I am no longer drinking.

I learned that people look at you funny when you start a conversation with “So I was planning my wedding this morning…” I also learned that Joe and Alina very well may have a secret vortex to another dimension in their apartment…

p.s. Let’s see how long that no drinking thing lasts…

More photos from the Miller Brewery Tour and the Lakefront Brewery Tour in Milwaukee, Wisconsin:

 

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