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Neurotic As Hell

Choosing Figs Blog

I recently made two batches of Oreo Cookies and Cream Pudding Shots to bring to a pot luck at work. I mean, why would I bring anything else besides alcoholic pudding to a pot luck at work? It was, after all, a "Back to School" themed party and, really, who didn't have pudding in their lunch box at least a few times a year growing up? It was a totally on point contribution. ...

I spend my entire life cleaning. OK, maybe that's an overstatement. But, no, I spend my entire life cleaning. Or, at least, thinking that maybe I should clean. There's always laundry that somehow gathers in a pile next to the hamper. There's always a sink full of dishes that cascades onto the kitchen counter. There's always a trail of litter on the floor that I'll sweep up tomorrow. Maybe. There's always hair in the drain or a closet door that won't quite close or an empty can of Coke on the nightstand or a sheet corner that has come loose. There's...

There are two types of first-time mothers. There are those mothers who decorate the baby's nursery for the baby. Teddy-bear printed bedding. Chunky plastic toys in bright primary colors. Dancing elephant mobiles in gender-friendly pink or blue. Then there are those mothers who decorate the nursery for themselves. Mid-century modern cribs. Monochromatic color schemes in dusty lavender or yellow and gray. Carefully selected wall garlands, lace tents, and a curated bookshelf styled with a vintage metal piggy bank, a precious stuffed bunny with a flower crown, and, just maybe, a couple of actual books. If I were a mother, I'd be the...

If you know me you know there are two things I can talk about on end: travel and cats. Often, cats I met while traveling. (See the cats who begged for food in Istanbul, the hostel kittens in Leon, my adorable Lek in Chiang Mai...

I don't remember the first time I read Sylvia Plath's The Bell Jar. It was in my adult life, that I know, well past high school, years past college. Maybe even after grad school. I don't remember why I chose to read that particular novel. I don't remember the motivation behind purchasing the book. I don't remember whether I picked it up at a Borders on a whim or whether I ordered it intentionally online. I don't remember if I saw it mentioned in a TV show or if someone recommended it to me. I don't remember anything about the...

This was me the day Hamilton tickets went on sale in Chicago: Actually, that was my whole office. Actually, that was, quite possibly, all of the city. I'm not going to sit here and pretend to be a fangirl: I had never even listened to the Hamilton soundtrack (still haven't...

I've never wanted children. In high school, twenty years ago, my assigned health class husband health class divorced me because he wanted egg babies and I didn't. Of course, I still had to raise egg babies as a single health class mother. So I'm not quite sure of the point there. And I'm also pretty sure he really just wanted to have egg babies with his actual girlfriend who was also in the class. Sigh. Story of my life. Anyways. I've never wanted children. And I've adamantly opposed, through the years, all of the women who chastise me with the argument that...

A while back I wrote about why I never want to live with someone ever again. I still do love living alone, having my own space, doing my own thing. But, I do hope to find someone and get married someday. And, sometimes, it would be nice to have someone else there. Someone to come home to. Someone to talk to. Someone to cuddle with. Someone to share life with. Someone to share responsibilities with. Someone to do the dishes. Someone to clean the toilet. Someone to fix things. Someone to do all that other crap I don't want to...

My birthday is next week. I'm pretty sure I'm finally reaching the age where the government is required to give me a cat. That's how that works, right? I'd have to check the bi-laws, but I think it was the landmark 1981 Supreme Court case of Fluffy vs. Shadow that established that states are required to provide cats to single 36-year-old women who can't afford their own or have commitment issues. Something like that. Don't Snopes me on it. Anyways. As I said, my birthday is next week. And there's still time to get this crazy cat lady (without a cat) a card...

Not all of the things we want to do in life are monumental. Sometimes, a life goal might be seemingly small, simple, mundane, but something we want to accomplish all the same. I've been hoarding cooking magazines for as long as I could remember. In high school, college, I had stacks and stacks of Gourmet, Bon Appétit, and Martha Stewart Living on my shelves. I had a subscription to Better Homes & Gardens when I was in grade school. I still have a subscription to Food & Wine. At one point, long ago, the stacks started taking over my room. So I...