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Neurotic As Hell

Choosing Figs Blog

After nine days on the road, it was time to go home. We'd driven nearly 4,000 miles and only had about 400 left to go on our tenth day, our last day. Our next destination was Chicago. Home. I was sad to be done with my vacation, the longest I'd taken in a long while, sad to be static again, sad that the next day there would be no more world's largest things to see, but, all the same, excited to see my cats, to sleep in my own bed, to stretch my legs. But we still had those last 400 miles...

When you start creeping towards the American midwest, all the biggest things start getting bigger. And closer. And all the more amazing. And so, after a couple of slow days driving through Montana, we were ready for a jam-packed penultimate day on the road, and all possible stops, and all the world's biggest things ahead. We started at Sandy, the World's Largest Sandhill Crane in Steele, North Dakota. It was a foggy morning, so foggy we could hardly see Sandy's beak peeking out through the thick air. But she was there, all forty feet and 4.5 tons of her. Besides a...

Much like on day seven of our road trip, there wasn't a whole lot I wanted to see along our route from Billings to Bismarck on day eight. But unlike day seven, there was one big, monumentous, amazing thing I was looking forward to seeing above all else: Salem Sue. When Tim first mapped out the route and sent it to me, I immediately took to Roadside America to look at what big giant things we could stop at along the way. Among them were some bucket-list worthy roadside attractions I've always wanted to see. Albert the Bull, the world's largest...

There's nothing to do in Montana. OK, maybe I'm exaggerating here, but when I was researching stops for the Montana stretch of our ten-day road trip, there was nothing I found that really stood out. I mean, I know there's Glacier National Park, which was nowhere near our route anyways, and there's approximately three percent of Yellowstone. But, quite frankly, national parks just confuse me because I don't think I've ever been to one and they are really big and I'm not entirely sure what you're supposed to do in them and I just imagine you're supposed to get out and hike...

There's a potato-shaped AirBNB in Boise, Idaho. Let me repeat that: there's a potato-shaped AirBNB in Boise, Idaho. I first heard about this spud hotel some months ago when it was doing its viral rounds on all the news outposts. "Sleep in a Giant Potato for Only $200 a Night," "The Ultimate Vegan Airbnb Is a Giant Potato," "Boise’s Potato Airbnb is the Most Idaho Hotel Room Ever," all the click-bait headlines declared. Of course, as soon as I read article after article on these tater digs there was only one thing I could say, "I need to stay there." If you...

It's hard to say that there was really any particular place we were going on this ten-day road trip. We didn't spend more than a night anywhere. We didn't spend much time in any one particular place. Really, we were just driving, making a big ole circle. If there was a "destination," I suppose, it was Boise, Idaho. Boise was to be the furthest west we were going. It was the point where we would turn around and start heading in the direction home. It was halfway through the journey. And it was the home to the potato AirBNB, which was,...

There's nothing between Cheyenne, Wyoming and Salt Lake City, Utah. At least, nothing that I was super excited to see. That's the problem with road trips sometimes. Sometimes there will be twenty things in a short short distance. And, other times, nothing for hours. That's not to say that we didn't see anything on the six and a half hour drive. We stopped in Buford, Wyoming, population one (though I heard that guy moved, so maybe, actually, zero). It's the smallest town in America. And we stopped at the Gunslinger 66 and Tumbleweed Gas Station Town, an old-west style gas station in...

The Sandhills Journey Scenic Byway wasn't originally on our road trip itinerary. The plan was, at first, to drive I-80 the entire way from Omaha, Nebraska, to Cheyenne, Wyoming. About a week before our trip was set to begin, Tim suggested the switch-up, reasoning that it was something different and would be more scenic than the highway. And so, of course, that sent my anxiety-ridden brain into a state of massive panic. We had already decided on the route. I had already mapped out all the stops. I had already crossed "decide on a route" and "map out all the stops" off...

It should have been a short day. The drive from Des Moines, Iowa (where we ended up on day 1 of our ten-day road trip) to Omaha, Nebraska, via I-80 should only take about 2 hours. It's a short drive. An easy drive. But I had made the itinerary. And, when you're with me, no trip is ever short or easy. You see, I had made, what Tim and I came to dub, a "clipboard of fun." After scouring Roadside America to find every roadside attraction on our route, I had mapped out 230 potential stops across the ten-day, ten-state trip. I...

Originally the plan was to go to Idaho so that we could stay in the potato AirBNB in Boise. The potato AirBNB is exactly what it sounds like. A giant potato turned into an AirBNB. I saw articles about it online and posted one to my Facebook timeline. He commented on it, something about wanting to road trip there because Idaho and Wyoming were two of his last three states to check off. I said, "let's go!" and, somehow, we turned it into a real trip. I'd been itching to take a road trip for a while (it was even on...