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Neurotic As Hell

Choosing Figs Blog

I caused this pandemic. Sorry. I know you all think that it was some guy in China who ate a bat. Or think it was caused by 5G waves. Or think it is a Bill Gates conspiracy. Or even think that the virus doesn't even exist at all. But none of that is true. It was me. Me. 100% me. I wholeheartedly blame myself for everything going on in the world right now and you should too. Because I am 100% responsible for this pandemic. And it wasn't just one thing I did. No. No. There are at least four things that I...

When I last sat down to try to write something here I was sitting on my cat-scratched couch, looking out my living room window at the glowing siren-sign of the shut-down Starbucks across the street. Usually when my brain is spinning and I need to sort through all my complicated thoughts I'll take my MacBook, trudge across that street, order a hot cocoa with whipped cream and a chocolate drizzle, sit down at a table for two, and write. But Starbucks was closed. Because the world was closed. Kind of. That was six months ago, a few weeks into the...

At the beginning of 2019 I made a list of 12 restaurants that I really wanted to go to, one for each month of the year. I have this tendency to go to the same handful of places over and over again. To never leave my neighborhood. To sacrifice quality for convenience. To say, "I really want to go there," to a new opening or a recommendation or a best-of list selection and then never actually go. So, I thought, I'm going to make this list and try one new place every month. And then, in the entirety of 2019, I made...

Yesterday I turned 39 years old, which means I only have one year until I turn forty, which means I only have one year to get my life together. Because that's how that works, right? You're supposed to have your life together by 40? At least I feel like that should be the case. Please god tell me that's the case. I'm 39 and still feel like my life is a pretty big mess most days. Right now, my apartment is in a state of turmoil because I have been in the middle of a massive reorganization project that I've been slowly...

OK so this post is literally just 513 photos of my cats and is 100% guaranteed to crash your browser, but really I just wanted all the photos of my cats from 2019 in one place. So deal. This month marks two years since I officially adopted these little furry monsters and, even though Rooney ate a piece of towel last year and cost me over $2,500 I guess they are still my everything. So enjoy 513 photos of my cats, Rooney and Ford...

The Page of Wands comes up a lot for me in tarot. It makes sense. That card, after all, represents someone brimming with creativity and way too many ideas, but who doesn't necessarily know where to begin, where to channel that energy, or what to focus on. And, let's face it, that's me. It's why I own 20 domain names with nothing attached, five blogs that sit dormant, countless social media accounts I've barely touched, and stacks full of books I've never read. Because I get an idea and my mind races and I get so excited that I have to drop...

Earlier this year my friend recommended a book called Pivot to me. I went to the library to find this book and, even though the Chicago Public Library's website said that it was on the shelf, it wasn't where it should have been. So I picked up this other book called Pivot instead, because I did find that where it was supposed to be. Same same, right? I mean, I'm sure both books covered basically the same ideas, just probably with different audiences in mind. Both were focused on reinventing your life and your career. Both were focused on switching gears. Anyways, I...

For Christmas this year I decided to buy matching pajamas as cat gifts for me and my cats. I was determined to get an adorable Christmas card photo with my whole furry family together. I set up a tripod with my mirrorless camera, installed the wireless remote app on my phone, did my makeup, got dressed, and waited until I had the perfect combination of sleepy kitties and window sunlight. Yeah, that went about as well as expected...

Vanilla pudding shots are as basic as you can get. They are the building block for all other pudding shot recipes so, once you master these, you can keep on going to discover all the possibilities in flavors. Here's the basic pudding shot recipe: whisk together a package of instant pudding (in this case, vanilla) with one cup of milk and one cup of alcohol of your choice (I like Kahlúa, Baileys Irish Cream, or RumChata). Whisk for about two minutes until thicker and thoroughly combined. Are they looking a little thin? Alcohol doesn't have the same viscosity as milk so it...