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Calamari eating contest in Southgate, Michigan

Calamari Clash

Calamari Eating Contest and World's Largest Hamburger

Calamari eating contest in Southgate, Michigan

I arrived at Mallie’s Sport Bar and Grill a little after 2PM Eastern time. A crowd was already forming to see both the calamari eating contest and the to be later revealed new record holder for world’s largest hamburger. Luckily everyone was dispersed enough eating and drinking that I was still able to take a prime front and center view of the action!

Before the contest I said hi to Pat (who really needs to stop being surprised when I randomly show up at contests) and Crazy Legs (who surprised me by introducing me by my full name) and Humble Bob. I wished them all luck than claimed my position up front as more people started crowding in.

Calamari eating contest in Southgate, Michigan

And then we waited, of course, as giant burger centerpieces were laid, and cups set, and plates and plates of calamari hit the tables. Finally it was time to begin as all the eaters were called to take their places. Besides the favorites of Pat Bertoletti and Sonya Thomas and Crazy Legs and Humble Bob there were some locals and newcomers and even Pat’s brother Joe!

Calamari eating contest in Southgate, Michigan

They all took their places on stage and before you knew it they were off eating!

Calamari eating contest in Southgate, Michigan

Calamari eating contest in Southgate, Michigan

Plates and plates of fried squid disappeared. Most of the center players took to squishing the tentacles together into a seafood and breading ball that was devoured. It was hard to keep up with who was winning. The table enders seemed to slow quickly, eating all the way to the end but not at the ferocious pace of Sonya and Pat and Bob.

Calamari eating contest in Southgate, Michigan

Calamari eating contest in Southgate, Michigan

Calamari eating contest in Southgate, Michigan

Calamari eating contest in Southgate, Michigan

Calamari eating contest in Southgate, Michigan

And as the crowd counted down from ten to one there was seemingly no clear cut winner. They finished their chipmunked particles and counted plates and in the end, with three of them on their seventh plate, the emcee (yet another new one) had to bring out the scale to weigh them in.

Calamari eating contest in Southgate, Michigan

Calamari eating contest in Southgate, Michigan

In the end it was Crazy Legs (3.4375 lbs.) in fourth, Sonya Thomas in third (6.125 lbs.), Humble Bob Shoudt (6.3125 lbs.) in second, and Pat Bertoletti (6.625 lbs.) in first.

Calamari eating contest in Southgate, Michigan

Calamari eating contest in Southgate, Michigan

Calamari eating contest in Southgate, Michigan

Calamari seemed to me that it would be a hard one to eat. I can eat a lot of calamari myself but I would think the chewiness would hinder the ability to eat it fast. Crazy Legs later told me that his strategy was to ball the entire plate of food into one squished mash like he’d seen done long ago in a cheese fries competition, but in the end he had forgotten to take into account the denser chewier inside the squid provided that didn’t allow his theory to work as well as he had hoped.

After the contest we all hung around the bar for a bit awaiting the arrival of the newest World’s Largest Hamburger. In the meantime I became enamored with their claw machine. You know those machines with the claws that you use to try to pick up a toy to win? The bar had them for LOBSTERS! How awesome is that? And Jason Erb asked if I was a professional stalker and that probably sounds about correct.

World's Largest Hamburger

Anyways…a little while later Mallie’s brought out all of their burgers from a small child-size offering to their 10 pounder (that is actually on the menu). To finally…all 180 plus pounds of their new record-breaking Guinness-certified world’s largest burger.

World's Largest Hamburger

World's Largest Hamburger

Amazing! I could maybe eat the pickle on it.

After snapping a few photos I took off back to Chicago, where I promptly passed out. I need to stop doing that.

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1 Comment
  • Anonymous
    June 2, 2009 at 10:41 am

    That burger looks like a dinosaur turd.

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