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Neurotic As Hell

Choosing Figs Blog

This was me the day Hamilton tickets went on sale in Chicago: Actually, that was my whole office. Actually, that was, quite possibly, all of the city. I'm not going to sit here and pretend to be a fangirl: I had never even listened to the Hamilton soundtrack (still haven't...

I've never wanted children. In high school, twenty years ago, my assigned health class husband health class divorced me because he wanted egg babies and I didn't. Of course, I still had to raise egg babies as a single health class mother. So I'm not quite sure of the point there. And I'm also pretty sure he really just wanted to have egg babies with his actual girlfriend who was also in the class. Sigh. Story of my life. Anyways. I've never wanted children. And I've adamantly opposed, through the years, all of the women who chastise me with the argument that...

A while back I wrote about why I never want to live with someone ever again. I still do love living alone, having my own space, doing my own thing. But, I do hope to find someone and get married someday. And, sometimes, it would be nice to have someone else there. Someone to come home to. Someone to talk to. Someone to cuddle with. Someone to share life with. Someone to share responsibilities with. Someone to do the dishes. Someone to clean the toilet. Someone to fix things. Someone to do all that other crap I don't want to...

My birthday is next week. I'm pretty sure I'm finally reaching the age where the government is required to give me a cat. That's how that works, right? I'd have to check the bi-laws, but I think it was the landmark 1981 Supreme Court case of Fluffy vs. Shadow that established that states are required to provide cats to single 36-year-old women who can't afford their own or have commitment issues. Something like that. Don't Snopes me on it. Anyways. As I said, my birthday is next week. And there's still time to get this crazy cat lady (without a cat) a card...

Not all of the things we want to do in life are monumental. Sometimes, a life goal might be seemingly small, simple, mundane, but something we want to accomplish all the same. I've been hoarding cooking magazines for as long as I could remember. In high school, college, I had stacks and stacks of Gourmet, Bon Appétit, and Martha Stewart Living on my shelves. I had a subscription to Better Homes & Gardens when I was in grade school. I still have a subscription to Food & Wine. At one point, long ago, the stacks started taking over my room. So I...

December is always busy. Between normal life, wrapping up things for the year, wrapping gifts, Christmas shopping, parties, events, and all those extra things to do around the holidays, it's just a busy month. It was a fun month, though, and I spent a lot of time with friends and co-workers. Here are some of the things I did in December...

I can remember where I was this time last year. How empty everything still felt. I remember the nights I'd stayed up until 3am just because I knew going to sleep meant I had to wake up the next day and start all over again. I remember those other nights when I had so little to give that I'd come home from work, eat dinner, and go straight to sleep. I felt like I had no control over my life. I felt overwhelmed. I felt like there was no time. I felt like there was nothing for me. For the past year...

I tend, like most of us do, to sit down on January 1, full of hope for the new year, and write out a list of resolutions: things I want to do, things I want to accomplish, in the next 365 days. I tend, like most of us do, to completely forget about that list by February 1. I'm pretty sure that I hadn't looked at my 2016 New Year's resolutions since I wrote them down in January. I may have vaguely recalled what was on my list for the first month or two of the year. But if you asked me,...

It's hard to want to look back on a year that was so terrible for so many reasons. There were shootings, terrorist attacks, earthquakes, floods, hurricanes. There was an election that was painful to watch and even more painful to accept. There were celebrity deaths that left the world a little emptier: David Bowie, Prince, Gene Wilder, Leonard Cohen, George Michael. The list goes on. One thing after another piled up, weighed on us, reduced us to tears. It was hard for me to want to look back on 2016, but, all the same, I went through all my blog posts from...

I realize that this recipe for peppermint mocha pudding shots makes (over) 50 shots of pudding. I also realize that that is an awful lot of pudding. But, hear me out. It was 2am. I was drunk. And I just wanted the damn things to have the actual consistency of pudding. Actually, I just wanted to sit and stare for a while. But I needed to finish the pudding. You see, if there's one thing my department at work is famous for, it's throwing the most kick-ass pot lucks. And if there's one thing I'm famous for at work, it's bringing pudding shots to...